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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Wife 1.0 Tech Support

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot
of space and valuable resources. No mention of this
phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0
installs itself into all other programs and launches during system
initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and
Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to
run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going
back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this

Can you help me, please!!!
Thanks, Joe


Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to
a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES &
ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and
designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be
able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0.
Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to
emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files
from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0
because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with
more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under
"Warnings-Alimony/Child Support."

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must
assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur,
regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter
the command

In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately
you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system
will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take
the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high

Consider buying addition software to improve the performance of Wife
1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any
circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a
supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.
Tech Support.

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